#DepressingDecember

My perhaps

Perhaps I did this.

Perhaps it was my fault and mine only.

Perhaps it all could have been different.

Perhaps it all should have been different.

Perhaps the fate was willing it to be this way.

Perhaps we weren't meant to be.

Perhaps we were.

Perhaps we were, yet my mistakes changed what was supposed to be.

Perhaps I wasn't the only one hurt.

Perhaps I hurt him too.

Perhaps I was just too self-orientated and selfish to notice. 

Perhaps I am to blame.

Perhaps I deserve this.

Perhaps. 

Perhaps.

Perhaps.

Perhaps if I acted differently...

Perhaps if I was stronger...

Perhaps if wasn't so scared...

Perhaps.

Perhaps it could have been.

Perhaps it would.

Perhaps.

Perhaps it would have been perfect.

Perhaps we would have been happy.

Perhaps all I think about would have happened the way I imagined it.

Perhaps he would have kissed me every day.

Perhaps we would have talked about nerdy things for hours.

Perhaps he would have told me he loved me.

Perhaps I would have told him the same.

Perhaps he would have mended me.

Perhaps he would have made me believe in happiness and forevers.

Perhaps he would have made me feel less worthless.

Perhaps he would have given me a purpose.

Perhaps he would have given me a reason to live.

Perhaps he would have taught me to see world like a beautiful place.

Perhaps he would have taught me to smile for real.

Perhaps he would have proven to be all I ever believed him to be.

Perhaps he would have proven to be more. 

Perhaps I could have made him smile.

Perhaps I could have been saying things he would have laughed at.

Perhaps I could have been kissing him and touching all I would have wanted.

Perhaps I could have all of that.

Perhaps, just perhaps, it was what he wanted as well.

Perhaps I used to haunt his dreams just like he haunts mine.

Perhaps he used to think about me too.

Perhaps it all could have been.

Perhaps I was just too stupid.

Definitely it's all gone now.