There was this one boy, with no extraordinary looks, slightly crooked teeth, always and unintentionally messy hair. A boy in big hoodies, hiding behind round glasses. A boy whose extraordinary heart couldn't be seen behind his ordinary looks.
Then there was this girl, whose smile brought the feeling of warmth and summer, whose hair always framed her face in the most fitting way. A girl whose extraordinary heart couldn't be seen behind her extraordinary looks.
Just two random people in one huge universe. Two special hearts that no one could understand. Two huge, yet completely different hearts. None of them could love just a little. They love either for life or not at all. So when he saw her for the first time, and his heart began to beat a little bit faster, he knew. When there were butterflies in his stomach, he knew. When his knees went weak, he knew. And every time he saw her, he knew again.
Now, you think you know where this story is going, and man, you're so wrong! You think you know what I want to tell you? Please, let me prove you wrong, let me show you, the world is a bit bigger, and a bit more complex than you though. See, the story went like this: the boy, as you already might have guessed, wasn't one to approach the girl, but instead, he chose to simply watch. Maybe he was hoping the feelings would go away, maybe he just couldn't resist. It doesn't matter, does it? The point is, he enjoyed watching her do the simplest of things, he loved seeing her smile, he loved watching her walk, for her walking looked more like dancing to him. He loved seeing her take the first sip of her coffee, the way she always held the cup in both hands as if it was the most precious thing in the world, and the way she closed her eyes for a moment to enjoy it without being disturbed by reality around her. He loved seeing her happy, and watching her start smiling for the smallest of reasons. He loved how she giggled whenever her skirt twirled around her. He loved the way beautiful things made her happy, and when he looked at her, he understood why.
Seeing her happy was what made him happy the most, and even though when he was alone he was sad, absolutely sure she'll never know how he felt about her, and will never feel the same way about him, he could not feel unhappy in her present, there was no unhappiness in the world, it was all colours and smiles. He couldn't imagine seeing her without the beautiful smile. And yet, one day, he noticed her take it off. It was just for a second, but it was a moment he will never forget. Her smile gone, her eyes without the spark, her body moving without the grace and life. It felt like his heart stopped for a moment. Seeing her sad made him sad too. And it made him thinking as well. Why was she sad? Did something happen to her? Could he help her? Should he do something about it? Is she really sad? Is her smile but a beautiful lie?
The first time he saw her sad, he thought there was no worse feeling in the world. However, every time he saw her sad again, he realised he's been wrong. Every time her smile disappeared, leaving her face tired, and somehow grey-ish, he felt like someone attempted to steal his heart. The huge heart, that could never love just a little. It hurt, it hurt so bad. Yet it never hurt as bad as the day he understood, the moment he realised, what made her smile disappear.
He was walking towards school, and she was leaving. He was looking at her, and she was looking nowhere, probably dreaming. Her smile was wide, her eyes absent, yet full of sparks, as if the world she was seeing around her was somehow more beautiful and more colourful than everyone else's was. When she came back to reality, her smile was as huge as a moment before, and when she noticed him looking at her, the smile was gone, as if it has never existed. And suddenly, he could see it. How could he have been so blind, never noticing, that her smiled only disappeared, when she noticed him watching... It hurt. His smile, the huge smile he never realised he had, the one he only had when he was watching beautiful things, like her, was gone. He never noticed the smile, and he never noticed, when it was gone. But she did. She saw the smile disappear, and she felt as if her heart was somehow being held in a not-so-gentle grasp.
There was this time that felt like ages, during which none of them smiled. And though the pain each of them felt could't be any more different, it hurt all the same. Whenever he saw, he quickly looked away, not sure if he could see her sad without dying a little inside. But he always had to look for her, see that she was there, and maybe, just maybe, one day the smile would be there too. He looked every day, found her, but never found the smile.
The thing is, one day, the smile wasn't the only thing that was missing. One day, she was gone too. No matter how hard he looked, she was gone. She didn't come to school one day. She didn't go for her coffee during the break, and she didn't sit in the park afterwards, enjoying her daily pleasure. She wasn't in the library either. She simply wasn't anywhere. It took him some time to stop looking for her wherever he went, to look at every face in the crowd in hope that it might be hers. The day he stopped looking, however, she found him. He was walking, head down, not seeing the world, when suddenly, there was a light tap on his right shoulder, and where he turned around, his eyes met intense stare of hers. Considering they have never even talked so far, it was quite a shock. He stared back at her, waiting, but she said nothing. Instead, she moved her head in a gesture saying follow me, and started walking away. If he wasn't absolutely confused before, now he had no idea what so ever what was going on. He just sheepishly followed her, too lost to even attempt to understand or do anything. She led him into the park he knew so well, onto a bench she loved the most. Hesitantly, he sat beside her, but immediately after he opened his mouth to speak, she covered it with a finger, and spoke first. "Let me begin," she asked him, even though she didn't leave much space for argument, "there's so much you need to know. I've noticed you watching me, and I hope I don't sound too cruel, when I say I hoped you'd stop. It would have been so much better for you, but looks like this wasn't that case. I've noticed you, don't doubt that for a second, and I believe I've always seen you for more than you think. Maybe if I saw for just another guy, it all would have been so much easier. But you have always been so much more. You were the guy in library who always borrowed the books I loved, and who left a tiny bit of himself in between the pages. A handmade bookmark, a pressed flower, a tiny note that made me think a little or made me laugh. You were the guy who seemed to see the world differently than the others. You were the guy who seemed worth talking to, and let me tell you, I don't think I've ever met anyone who made me think that. But I saw you look at me, and I knew I couldn't be that selfish, that you didn't deserve that. I see you don't understand, no one understands. The thing is, you don't deserve someone like me. You are far too amazing, you deserve someone who would love you. You deserve to be loved. I don't. So please, don't waste your love on me, don't waste such a beautiful heart on a person who has no idea what to do with one. Love, please do love, but do not love me. Because I can't love, trust me, I wish I could love, I wish I could love you, but some hearts simply don't work that way. I am so sorry, for not being the person you hoped I'd be..."
"I don't understand," the boy said, only thing he could think of. He truly looked lost.
"I didn't expect you to," she replied, looking at peace, yet he could see she was not, "but I don't think there's much more I can say. Think on it a little. Maybe after you have, you'll know what questions to ask, and maybe then you'll understand. You'll see that if I knew how, if I could, I'd love you. I truly would. But some people don't love. Some of us simply can't. I am so sorry..."
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