The Desperates

Soulless yet pretty

note:celkom som tu porobila chaos, keďže najprv to nemalo ísť chronologicky, potom to akosi išlo chronologicky a tak zrazu kdesi v apríli je časť, kde aurora stretla louanne, ktorá sa odohráva niekedy po tej poslednej a toto nadväzuje potom...

...and suddenly, naively, you somehow get comfortable thinking everything's well. Sometimes well cannot even cover it. Your life starts feeling dreamy, things you haven't even dared to hope for are somehow everyday reality that no one seems to even bother noticing. Do you know the feeling that one person is the right one? You barely know each other, yet you somehow see how perfectly you'd fit together. How alike in some aspects you are, how much you actually share, only there was no opportunity to realise it or to make something of it. You notice how similar your opinions are, that you love the same books, laugh at the same jokes that most don't seem to catch. And you see how flawlessly it could all work. And you know it deep down, that if it came to such a thing, everyone would see that it was almost like meant to be. Only nobody knows. They may not realise how great the things could be, or maybe they're equally scared to do something about it. But sometimes, if you're lucky, something happens that reveals one of the similarities and maybe something slowly happens to follow. You come from nothing to chatting, from that to being friends to not being able not to talk for a few minutes to becoming somehow inseparable. I couldn't imagine minute without talking to him and suddenly I got the vilest surprise. I felt like slapped, like a terrible wake up attempt. I wasn't sure I've seen it correctly. I felt like my heart stopped. I've had endless trust in him, all of which I've lost in matter of second. I cried, I raged, I punched the punching bag so many times with such force my knuckles turned red. I did't wear the protective gloves, I wanted to feel the pain, all of it, and savor it. I did. It felt great, with every punch I imagined his face in front of me. For a moment I felt alive. The rest of the day, I was numb. But now, it feels like waking up again. And I'm not sure I want to.