Sometimes, after it's all over, people say things like: I had no idea he would be like that, it would be like that, he seemed like such a nice guy, how could that possibly happen, how did we end up like this?... And I cannot help myself and roll my eyes. Really? He was a walking red flag from where I am standing. So, I am a judgmental person. I know that, no big revelation there. But am I really a person to judge? Is this truly so bad, to jump into something with hope for the best, with expectations a little too high...? And is it really worse than what I did? It cannot be. At least there is a reason, an excuse. It must be better than jumping into all that crap with your eyes open and willingly. I mean, I knew what kind of person my best friend was just from how and when we met.
At first, I thought we were just regular desperate classmates, bored to death in a class that could later cost us our futures in the school; and study buddies later became friends. So far so good. It did cross my mind at the time, what a lucky coincidence, us sitting together. I asked him about it jokingly later, when we became friends. Of all the people to sit with, he picked the seat next to me. It wasn't a trick question, I wasn't expecting much from it, it was just a little reminiscence of how we met and how glad I was that we did. I did not have many other friends at school around that time. Still, I should have known not to ask that question when we were drinking, if I did not want to know the truth unedited. Or maybe I did, maybe the narcissist in me hoped it would be for all the wrong reasons. I honestly never thought of him as more than a friend, but who does not like to be thought of a little differently...
Now, this all would have been nice and lovely and nothing to it, if only we both weren't in relationships at the time. And yeah, they were both as unhealthy as they come, but they were relationships nonetheless. And to be honest, who realises their relationship is unhealthy while they're neck-deep in. However, before this starts to sound like something it is not, we did not do anything inappropriate for a couple of friends, we might have met for the wrong reason, but went the right way from there. The only thing I do admit to doing at this time is lying to my boyfriend. But sometimes, in a toxic, controlling relationship with a crazy jealous person, what else is there to do? He would have never understood the fact that we were truly friends and nothing more, and I would never hear the end of it. I mean, he was not a bad guy, not intentionally anyway, but we were very young, first love and all, long-distance for mos of a year, and he was the kind of guy who likes to see himself as a protector, even when there was nothing to be protected from.
Now, the actually interesting stuff happened a little later, fast forward let's say two years. We are the kind of friends who tell each other everything pretty much. And yeah, friends shouldn't judge and all that, but with some people, you would have to gauge both your eyes out at very least not have the idea, that they might not be the best kind of person overall. And I knew this and was very much ok with this. I knew what my friend was like when it came to relationships, and I knew he was the kind of person I would tell a friend to run from if they met. But hey, I was not looking for a relationship, I mean, definitely not with this guy, I did not find him one bit attractive nor anything more than a friend. And at the time, he was one of my only friends and I could not afford to lose him.
See, dear nonexistent reader, if you already got this far, you should know, this was all the year when all went to shit. In February that year, I got offered a job I really wanted. It was recommended to me by the friend this is all about, and although we would not be working together, we would be at the same company, in the same building. I was ecstatic! Not because of the friend part, but this truly was an opportunity of my dreams. Well, of course, no surprise there, my boyfriend at the time wasn't. Some men only want to see you succeed, as long as you don't overshadow them. And also, there was that thing where I dared to prefer my future, this job that would open doors for me later on (and boy, speaking from the current perspective, did it!) over coming over to see him as often as I did before. I mean, no one ever thought to have a problem with how much time he spent on school and building his future... But that is a rant over the wrong person. The point is, I had my dream job, I was single, my Tinder profile was on point and life should have been one hell of a party from that point on.
However, things never go as planned, do they? By the time summer came, life has gone truly to shit. You see, the lovely thing about getting a job in your college town, even if it is a dream job, is that it means you get to spend your summer there working. It also means that if you are the only one with such a job among your friends, you get to spend it there all alone. Luckily for this story, and very unluckily for my mental health, my best friend at the time was local.
